It’s no secret amongst my people
How birthdays lurch me into a muddle
Beneath the thrill and anticipation of the day,
A sense of unease churns my way.

The knots in my stomach, the tightness of my heart
Together with joy, has come to play a part.

It feels silly to even put into words
The fear that creeps in with the advent of the day,
Hard to wrap my head around the fact that
Coming of age cannot be kept at bay.

It’s irrational, the anxiety of growing ‘old’
Since I’ve been wiser, watching life unfold
Often told “It’ll only get better, you see,
Life happens now, why aren’t you ready?”

Am i not? Maybe not yet.
Lost innocence tugs at me with delicate threads
A simple time, of carefree days
Lures me back from life’s erratic ways.

I’d love for a birthday to just be that again
One to celebrate and thank for all I’ve gained
To weave my past with the blessings of the new
Without the tethers of anxiety in age.

Is it just me who feels this way?
Absurd as it may be, I hope someone relates
Does a gain of age mean a loss of time?
Oh hush, sweet child, in my heart you’re still alive.

(Throwback to a gleeful birthday on a certain May 24th)